1. Q: Name a greenhouse gas. What could be done to decrease global warming?
A: Cows make large amounts of methane when they fart. This could be reduced by fitting them with catalytic converters.
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2. Dad to Son : When I beat u how do u control your anger.
Son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with ur tooth brush.
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3. Join the army, meet interesting people and then ... kill them...
4. Keep the school clean ... stay home!
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: None.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
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-In Heaven:
* The French cook the food.
* The Swiss run the hotels.
* The Germans fix the cars.
* The Italians are the lovers.
* The English are the police.
* The English cook the food.
* The French run the hotels.
* The Italians fix the cars.
* The Swiss are the lovers.
* The Germans are the police.
Answering Machine Messages!
1. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I’ll call you sooner.
2. Hi! Tom’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
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Inspirational Quotes and Saying
About Life
-- Keep ya head up...respect ur self
-- Be a Gentle man
-- Dont be very serious about seriousness...just be cool u will do gud
-- Girls r like bus if u miss one... u know wat i mean...!!-- U made a mistake no problem....U again do the same mistake, u made a crime!!
-- Its ok to say "Sorry"
-- Never lose hope...Time will wipe ur sadness..no matter how big problem u have...
-- Always think positive..talk positive...feel positive (at least try...!)
-- Break someones trust...u have killed ur self!!
-- "THINK" befor talking and making important decisions...
-- Respect other person no matter wat small job he/she does
-- Kick someones Ass if nessesery...(dont be shy!!)
-- Help someone u can...dont be so selfish
-- Money is not every thing...happiness gives u a nice sleep at night
2. "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - by Lavinia
3. "The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live." - by Lavinia
4. "Out of difficulties grow miracles." -- Jean De La Bruyere
5. "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -- E. E. Cummings
6. "Fall seven times; stand up eight." -- Japanese Proverb
7. "If opportunity doesn't knock build a door." -- Milton Berle
8. "Some pursue happiness -- Others create it!" -- Unknown (submitted by Tyler Berry)
9. "All of our dreams can come true -- if we have the courage to pursue them." -- Walt Disney
10. "A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart."
2. "A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."
3. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
4. "The road to success is always under construction"
2) Wanna make God laugh? Plan your future
4) Welcome to the good life
5) I'm ready (we're ready!!!)
7) Too hot to handle, too cold to hold
8) We're gonna walk inside, and guess what's up:Put some food in my plate, and some Coke in my cup
9) I'm the original, Asiatic, acrobatic
10) "Powerful IMPACT . . BOOM FROM THE CANNON"
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